Struggling with Work, with Link Love for Job Quitting posts


The fact is that I haven’t been happy in the job for awhile, after I went from being a software engineer to managing a department for almost a year now.

I have hinted at the situation in writing my past posts, How to Deal with Work Stress and Saving Up for Fuck You Money.

It has become a sort of grind. I drag myself to work only to end up enduring endless meetings and political struggles – that often leaves little room for 1st level manager’s decision making anyway. My drive to getting work done is often met with the stone wall of red tape.

With projects involving teams in timezone across the globe, I would dial into conference call early morning, lunch time, and in evening.

Big customers frequently with sudden, difficult demands on the team. A side effect of a technology, information age where people have less and less patience and tolerance.

I get so stressed that I can feel the blood going through my body and the effect of cortisol and other ‘bad’ hormones that’s distinctly making my body feel physically weaker.

Part of struggle has to do with a toxic corporate culture that has particularly grown in my organization. Plea for changes just falls on deaf ears. The other part of it is the manifestation of my INFJ Myers-Briggs type. I am seeing the unfairness and pettiness in-my-face now and that is difficult for me to ignore. At the same time, I am getting overstimulated due to the constant stress and demands from managing the many simultaneous situations/projects/teams.

To provide a little more background, I had been with the company now for over 8 years since before I graudated with my master. I had made some really good friends. In fact, I was able to work with one closely who had also greatly influenced me in many aspects in life until I started this new position. So although the new job had made me see new perspective and grow in different ways, the feeling of “going at it alone” does not help also.

Because of what goes on for work, I am left with less energy to do what I like outside of it. This makes me more unhappy. This is not good. It is a bad stress feedback loop. Mentally and slowly physically, work is running me over.

I can continue in the job and just suck it up. Many people out there are unhappy with their jobs and are doing that. It is a noble thing to do in order to provide for yourself and the family. I just find myself asking myself the question, “at what cost?”

An image for the peace I desire now

An image for the peace I desire now

This reminds me of this bit attributed to Dalai Lama:

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered, “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

Consequently, fantasy of quitting had appeared, as many of you can relate. Something needs to change.

I scoured the internet and found many others’ wisdom on this topic. Apparently I am not alone! In fact, we have a crowd…

5 Responses

  1. Joe says:

    I’d say try out a new position and see how it goes. If it’s still bringing you down, then you probably should get out. You’re still young at 30 and you can bounce back from a lot of adversities.
    I hate all the pointless meetings and political BS too. By the end of my career, I barely got any useful works done.
    Good luck and thanks for the mention!

  2. Kin says:

    Thanks for empathizing Joe. It is nice to get it off the chest and have others to relate to. Switching to a new position is the current plan for now, but if it’s going to take too long to get there, I may make the jump. We’ll see!

    Truthfully, I would’ve like to see myself to save up for at least a year or two before “jumping.” Now is a bit premature.

  3. E says:

    This post really hits home. I’m also a software developer and I have resisted becoming a team lead/manager. I have told my manager outright (twice) that I do not want to be a lead of any sort. Here’s a thread I created on reddit 3 months ago about this:

    But since then, I was recently made a lead again anyway. As I already knew, I do not like it. I am going through what you have already gone through (with the stress and grind). I hate going to work now. I really have to step up my job search now because I do not want to be doing this crap.

    I’d be interested to know what type of software and what kind of industry you’re in.

  4. Kin says:

    Hi E, thanks for stopping by and I just read your reddit link. I totally understand where you are coming from.

    To provide the management viewpoint base on real past discussion… In general, it is difficult for most managers to understand people who are content in their roles and/or not desiring to climb the ladder. While we both understand that some people like balance in life and know what they want or enough means for them, to the type of people who usually find their way into management, it is unfathomable. It’s freaky and weird because the game is, NATURALLY, everyone should want to climb and “want more and more.”

    Unless you are the lucky few specialized technical people who somehow get to avoid this or you age into your 50s, I’d say you’ll continue to run into this mentality as long as you remain in a corporate. It is crap indeed so keep in mind when you do your job search.

    Finally to answer your question, I’m in the enterprise database sector working in a database product itself, not any tools or peripherals.

  5. E says:

    Yeah, the thought of someone not wanting to climb the ladder is foreign and heresy in a corporate environment. I am indeed keeping this in mind as I search for better work environment.

    Kin, I also emailed you regarding something in my first comment above. It probably fell through your inbox. Can you see if you can find my email and address it? Thanks.

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