The Law of Relativity Applied to the Dollar

The theory of relativity is one of Albert Einstein’s greatest achievement. Today, I apply it to our perspective on money to explain the pay for being directors and CEOs. And don’t miss out the wonders of CEO perks.

From $21,000 an hour, at your expense:

In 2006, the latest year for which numbers are available, 85 corporate directors took home more than $1 million.

From Is a CEO worth 364 times the average Joe?:

Top execs at Fortune 500 companies averaged $10.8 million in total compensation in 2006.

In terms of relativity, the passage of time is drastically different from someone sitting on an Herman Miller chair to someone sitting on a porcupine. Likewise, the value of money is different for owner of an Enzo Ferrari vs. owner of a 20-year-old rusty beat-up Corolla. In literal terms, for commoners and middle class folks, including myself, a dollar is just a dollar, but for the people who peer down on earth from Mount Olympus, they speak in terms of thousands. Base on the said theory base on relativity…

Directors who earn $21,000 on an hourly basis, that is a whooping $21 dollars. That’s a couple happy meals there.

For CEOs who make millions each year, their salaries are reduced to a couple thousands dollars. Ah, poor bunch living in poverty. No wonder they needed company-sponsored social security. With high inflation and increasing energy cost, I see them needing help from their companies more than ever.

Now that we have applied relativity to the dollar, those people no longer sound so impressive. That should bring us some solace and comfort knowing that they feel as poor as we do. Yeah! It has also become clear why they strive so hard to become billionaires because it’s no different from us trying to become millionaires!

And guess what, today’s Dilbert comic ironically is on the same topic!

Below are some notable(laughable) perks mentioned in The worst CEO perks, though I beg the difference and would title it best instead of worst. And if you apply relativity to all the numbers by removing the last 3 decimals, then all the perks will make perfect sense. In fact, they are of the same value as the perks the white collars get – unlimited supply of paper, staples, post-its, and what not. More fortunate ones may get international long distance phone calls, like CEOs with their private jets.

• Chairman and former Chief Executive Vincent Gierer Jr. [of UST Inc.] got $6,500 for his wine allowance, despite making more than $6 million.
• At Anheuser-Busch, execs enjoy unlimited free beer “for personal use and entertaining.”
• Shareholders of Nuance Communications footed the $25,911 bill for a personal assistant used by Chairman and Chief Executive Paul Ricci. [And his] $3,896 tax bill.
• Motorola executives get personal health coaches.
• i2 Technologies paid $942,000 to shuttle CEO Michael McGrath back and forth from his home in Maine and his office in Dallas during the year.
• United Technologies CEO George David wasn’t far behind. His shareholders forked out $612,000 in 2006 for his personal use of the corporate jet.
• Even CEO Martin Glynn was paid $13.8 million in salary, stock incentive grants and other pay in 2006, HSBC paid him a $177,600 rent allowance, plus an additional $150,000 to cover the tax on the value of the rent.
• Liberty Media shareholders last year chipped in $319,278 to help Chairman John Malone pay his taxes.

After reading all that, let’s begin singing what I learned in singing class, “Oh what a wonderful day~~~”.

Originally posted 2008-01-18 15:48:13. Republished by Blog Post Promoter