Genuine Relationship Begins with Oneself

A friend who is taking a philosophy class asked me this question. Here it is with my answer with minimal editing (shorthands, spellings, and such).

Do you believe, that much disclosure embarrasses the listener without providing a means to cope with the embarrassment? Relationships function best when moderate disclosure, not total disclosure, is offered. In other words, total relational intimacy may be an ideal, but it is not functional or realistic.

It says so in my book.

I think that only works in superficial relationships…

So what did you think about the disclosure thing? Do you think attraction lowers if there is too much uncovering of yourself?

Haha, you want a long answer or short answer? j/k, here is what I think as short as I can make it.

Life is all about relationships. And the key to relationship is honesty and sincerity. Now, that doesn’t mean a person spills everything all at once. Each and everything relationship takes time to develop but that should not limit the fact that you can still always be honestly expressing yourself.

Once again, the key to relationship is honesty and sincerity. To be able to be honest and sincere in all relationships, people must first have those qualities with themselves. That’s the biggest obstacle. Being completely honest with oneself sounds easy but not. I dare say, 99.99% of the people do not have that. What with each culture, religion, nation, advertisement, school, government, family, friends, neighbors, politicians, advocates, experts all telling us what we should be and should do, most of us don’t even know who we are but mere identities pieced together as one from all those sources. We THINK we are those things, and because we think we are JUST those things, we are limiting ourselves. Therefore, we get embarrassed.

As it is now, with most people not even knowing their true selves, henceforth all the dis-functional relationships there are. To have “realistic” relationship in current days means we have to be part of the game, which is fundamentally, the struggles of identities. Attraction lowers for most people because they think they are part of this game, consciously or unconsciously.

Real, genuine relationship (romantic or not) only begins when two people each had come to discover and know themselves, amidst this chaos. There is an old saying, “In life, if one has come to find one such person in life, he can die without regret.” (人生得一知己, 死而無憾)

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